I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
