your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
