Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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