all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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