dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
operation harelip BJ is a go
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
