And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
