My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
