GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im holly from the hills drunk
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
