I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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