Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
