like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
