Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
