I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
