When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
