He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
