Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize