im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
should my penis look like a turkey
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
