i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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