they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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