I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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