where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
