Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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