i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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