It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
