Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
