I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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