We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
