I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
