If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
