Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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