oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
