just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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