You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
