Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
