She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
