I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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