so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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