he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
