just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize