Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
