don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
