Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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