You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
