Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Terrible idea I love it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
