And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
