??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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