it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
