Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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