You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
