dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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