He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
