you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
