Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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