My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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