Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
