It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
