Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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