Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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