State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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