True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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