I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
