What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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