i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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