I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
