I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Mom said you looked used
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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