No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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