im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
