So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
