You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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