Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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