Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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