And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
