What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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