Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
