so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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