I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
